OCD and addiction. Getting into "harmony" is the key to getting and staying well.

QUESTION: answered by John Carcerano
My bf has a problem with drinking and OCD, can you help me?
Hi John,

Thank you for responding. I'll give you a bit of background. I realize you aren't his treating physician, but I need a voice of reason in this that isn't my boyfriend's. He was diagnosed with OCD about a year and a half ago while in rehab (he is 37). I guess growing up he has always had symptoms, but no one ever really did anything about it. He's had germ phobias, which have gotten better. He still obsesses about little things, like he has to carry a pen in his pocket, he has to have paper towels or hand cleanser. He doesn't do repetitive things like turning lights on and off so many times. His issues are mainly focused around religion. He has ritual prayers he says to keep bad thoughts away. Thoughts that he fears will ruin his images of me and his family. He grew up in a very religious family and I think his mother has issues of her own that have not been identified. He is very concerned with the state of his soul and feels like a complete failure. He has had 3 DUIs and his last was last year. They took away his license, he's been unemployed and he relies on his parents for everything at the moment. Which causes more stress for him. He just finished a nursing course last week and passed with flying colors. He told his mother he got a 91% and he told me that he thinks she was disappointed that he hadn't failed. She is a control freak and thinks that if it isn't done her way, then it isn't right. So here he is all elated about passing and achieving something and she comes along and chops him off at the knees and once again he's 3 inches tall. So yesterday he started drinking. He's scared that he will fail at any job he does, he's afraid that he won't be able to take care of me, etc. So he starts drinking. He only drinks when he is very stressed. When he does drink, it's a binge of a day or so. Then once again he's regretful. He knows he has a drinking problem .. He has 2 therapists, goes to recovery and church, is currently taking meds for OCD (Luvox), and antabuse. He apparently stopped taking the Antabuse 4 days ago, thinking that if he did, he could start drinking. I have spoken to his parents about his drinking and I don't really think they understand that the OCD is a major factor. They act like he is just a sinner that loves to drink and refuses to stop. They don't go to any meetings. They don't go to his therapy sessions. One of the first things his mother said to me was "I didn't think Christians could be alcoholics". That about floored me. They don't realize that this is an issue he has had for years and he started self medicating. I want to slap these people!

I guess I'm just looking for hope. I've read so much on the internet about wives/girlfriends that just can't take it anymore. That it keeps happening over and over again. I don't want to be that woman. But I also love him and want to see him succeed. He has wasted far too much time being drunk.

Since he was diagnosed with OCD, he has only been on Prozac and Luvox. Neither has worked. I've managed to convince him that he needs to try something else and keep trying until they find the right medication. They are supposed to start him on Anafril this week. I'm hoping that helps. He also has problems sleeping which contribute to his stress and anxiety. He is so worried about his actions in the past that he can't focus on the future. He has dabbled in drugs, but no longer does that. Between the stress of functioning daily and the guilt he carries, it's a wonder he has room to breathe.

Since I am in another state, it is difficult to help him. I do as much as I can. I will be visiting him next week. I'm doing my best not to enable him nor do I want to alienate him. In my personal opinion, I really feel that the key is in the OCD. I just feel that if he can get that regulated and controlled somewhat, it will be easier to deal with the drinking aspect and the stress of daily life. Am I wrong in thinking that? I don't want to have hope where there is none and I don't want to give up where there is.

Thank you for answering my email. I realize you are probably very busy and I don't want to impose on your kindness or generosity. Please know that your last email did help. For that I thank you.
Answer:
Hi, I can fully understand what you are going through. Not only does the addict suffer, but so does those around him/her. OCD is an anxiety disorder that will never go away. It caused me to need to drink heavy just to sedate myself from the anxiety. There were a lot of different reasons why I drank and there are several different reasons why your boyfriend continues to drink. It is very important to get to know the individual addict/mental health sufferer because everybody is diverse and has different circumstances that can trigger addiction. The proper medication will help your boyfriend to greatly diminish the effects of OCD. Again, everyones mental illness is different in symptoms and severity so it is always more helpful if I knew about his symptoms and "rituals". OCD is a real disorder that is caused by 4 main reasons. Unfortunately by knowing what could have cause his OCD will not help to cure it in any way. But by knowing environmental causes there are for OCD can help those in danger of getting it to take some preventive measures. Most OCD is genetic and there are no preventive measures for that. The right medication will make the severity of the symptoms diminish by as much as 70 or 80 percent. Your boyfriend needs to know himself very well to be able to understand the things that may make his OCD symptoms worsen. Stress is the biggest factor. By reducing stress OCD can often times be controlled without medication, but proper diet is also essential in helping to control OCD severity. He very well may drink because of the OCD but like I have said, there very well may be outside factors that increase his stress and anxiety which in turn make his symptoms more severe and in turn, this can very well be a strong factor in his drinking. There is no quick yes or no answer to your question. I don't mind if you have any follow up questions, i would be happy to help assist you in understanding your boyfriends situation, which is a situation that also impacts your life and stability. Sincerely, John Carcerano
P.S.
Reading your email again there are a few more points that come to mind. Something has caused him to stray from his therapy and treatment regimen. Stability of ones home life and schedule is a very important factor in controlling OCD. His going off of antibuse does show a premeditation that seems to be triggered by something either environmentally that is going on his life, or it could just be that his medication has not had time to work, or that it is the wrong medication and that alone can cause increased anxiety for him. Medication for psychological disorders take at least 1 or 2 months before they are effectively in the bloodstream and begin working. If one medication proves not to work so well, the body must be drained of that medication before going on a different one. That draining takes about a month also. So it is a trial and error period while looking for the right medication. His is a very complex situation. You, being his girlfriend and being out of state can add stress, loneliness, and by you not being there maybe he seems more stable in your company. Maybe you can influence a better control on him when you are there. This is all speculation as I do not know a lot of answers to why, that would take a full evaluation. I am self taught and not licensed, I wanted to make that clear to you. I have read over 450 noted books during the last 15 years dealing specifically with alcohol and drug addiction, psychological disorders and family counseling. Since I too am a sufferer of OCD, that has been another field of my expertise. I can assure you that the advice I give you can be taken with very good authority. Many of the books I have studied, I have read over 10 or 20 times each, just to get a true grasp of the concepts and facts they offered. I am happy to have shared some insight into your situation. My work is my passion. His parents you say are very religious. They too could be OCD. Strict religious practices and adhering to rigid morals are a most common factor and symptom of OCD. If his mom is having rituals she may very well be in denial or hiding them herself. It is a very real possibility, but again I cannot confirm this for sure as I am only able to do so much over the net. His sleepless nights can be a combination of worrying, diet and also he would be very restless and rigid when he comes down from the alcohol. Alcohol is widely thought to be a downer and a suppressant. But that is not the full story. When a person comes off heavy drinking it makes them agity and restless. There are chemicals in the alcohol, poisons that make the body like this. Now a person with OCD also has what's called 'Intensity of thought". This is where their mind is always working overtime.His mind is the way your mind would be if you were worried that say, you left your brand new bike in your backyard where everyone can see it and possibly steal it, but you wont get to your backyard because you are right now on a plane without a phone and you cannot call anyone you know to bring your bike in their house for safety. That anxiuosness you feel is what an OCD person feels most of the time. It never stops. Through stress reduction, diet, no caffeine, no alcohol, proper medication and learning behavoir therapy, the OCD sufferer can make their body almost whole again, or up to 80% whole again. A person without OCD has periods to where they can just relax and absorb into a movie and forget their day. A person with OCD is watching that movie, but thinking and seeing germs around them, they have all these different thoughts to contend with reguarding rituals to keep people safe and they are just plain obsessing and worrying like a rapid fire maching gun. It is learning to control these thoughts, that's what the OCD sufferer must do. Once these thoughts are ignored and not acted on, they will begin to rapidly subside. When his OCD mind gets him all agitated and tells him he must clean this germ or move that object, he must learn to ignore that thought and not act on it. Of course when he first begins not acting on his OCD thoughts, his anxiety levels will skyrocket. But after weeks and months of not acting on these thoughts, the OCD thinking eventually massively subsides in severity. Now when your boyfriend is stressed, from work or just worrying because he feels he has not made any money (when he makes no money he feels he cannot provide properly for you and he worries more). If he is coming off of drinking a few days prior, maybe he was drinking a lot of coffee and caffeine in his soda pop. So now he is agitated and his OCD is really acting up. Do you see how his condition can snowball now? There are many things that are influencing his problems. When he can learn to get in "harmony" with life, his situation, his diet, learning how to cut out his stress, getting the right medication, then he will begin to control his OCD and lead a much better life. Complex indeed. but not at all impossible. My OCD has mostly the rituals of having to do thing to prevent bad things from happening. But I have learned to cut down massively my stress, and I am mostly ignoring what these thoughts are telling me to do. Rituals I perform, but not as often and I have learned to do them in my mind, so no one notices. I can leave things dirty and not freak out that the microbes are gonna end the world. I am just careful not to drink out of anyone glass, or male sure they do not drink out of mine. And I only kiss a girl if she is my girlfriend, strangers I never kiss on the lips. I have an over active mind, but it helps me resolve issues, and I credit my OCD with helping me to structure thoughts into sentences and retain information. It makes me a good writer. LOL, There are a lot of pluses with having OCD. It is not all negative. So OCD can in many ways also be a blessing. JOHN P.S. I did not re-read this letter to you, so if a word is misspelled or a sentance not quite right, so be it.Sincerely, John Carcerano
For OCD sufferers I recommend the following books: "Brainlock" , and also, "The boy who couldn't stop washing." ALSO CLICK HERE for more on OCD from me, John Carcerano anj