helping a loved one find recovery from a drug or alcohol addiction ...part 1 of 3


Written for those who have a strong physiological addiction.....
Having a close friend or family member who is an addict can be very traumatizing. they can be hard to understand many times and also seem untrustworthy. The person they are deep inside is the one you dearly love. That person is still there, you just gotta have patience and persistence. Trust me, it will pay off. Do not try to force an addict into recovery because that approach will never work. no "in your face" approaches nor try to jam religion down an addicts throat. That will never work. Always be gentle, compassionate, caring, concerned and a good listener. You will need to build a trust with your loved one and hold no bias in dealing with them. They might begin to tell you things that may shock you, just love them and do not judge them. Do not bring up times in the past when they have disappointed or even stolen from you. Their need to feed their addiction is the reason for the disappointing acts they have committed in the past. You want the addict to get well and move on with their life, so you must talk with them only in those terms. Do not overwhelm them with future events, think and talk only in the now. They will have days filled with ups and downs, there will be hours where they need to use and don't want you around, and there will be hours where they are thinking heavily about seeking help and quitting their addiction. That's where they need to know that you will be there. their mind will swing like a pendulum so be ready. When they are down and out and talk of quitting, you must strike while the iron is hot. If you do not know anything about what to do when they reach out for help, then prepare for that moment by going out and finding someone to help you when the time is right. You can either go to an Al-anon meeting and ask there for someone who can talk to your loved one when they are ready, or you can go see a counselor who will advise you how to contact them when your addicted loved one reaches out for help. After you find someone to intervene when that time comes, casually let the addict know that you care, and that you have been talking to someone "nice" who would be glad to assist in a recovery plan. It's important that the person who you both go to see has experience with being sober and acts in a friendly manner. It will really help greatly if you can bring them to go see an ex-addict who truly understands. They will form a bond with the addict immediately.
In order for the addict to quit using, they need to change their environments where there are no recognizable triggers that can cause them to use again. Bring them into a new area of town that they are unfamiliar with . They will be uneasy and jittery when they first quit using, so you need to prepare to keep them calm in some way. If they have been a heavy user then you should be prepared to get them to inpatient detox right away. There they will be under medically supervised care. If you cannot afford detox then please contact your state human services department and they will provide state sponsored detox for free. Before your addicted loved one finds recovery, you will need to begin talking with them about detox so you can prepare and set it up quickly when they decide they will accept help. in detox they are usually administered sedatives so that they can sleep and relax as their body withdraws from the chemicals that have become so necessary for them to survive. The bodies cells need to readapt to normal and this process is a shock to their system. the first 5 days or so will be the most traumatic on them. But detox in a proper setting will make this process as safe as possible.

Part 2 of "Helping a loved one find recovery"
there will be 3 parts to this condensed "how to help a loved one find recovery" blog.
my alcohol and drug addiction blogs that you find here are in conjunction with my website and book entitled "A NEW JOURNEY" RECOVERY FROM ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION.
MY WEBSITE THAT I WOULD ALSO LIKE TO SHARE WITH YOU IS AT http://www.newjourneyrecovery.com/
I will always be sharing more with you ....
thanks, and god bless you. John Carcerano

Tuesday, March 4, 2008

meet tonia dunbar....miracles do happen

Miracles Do Happen......Meet Tonia Dunbar And Her Little Boy Tommyby john carcerano11 years ago when i was still new in my recovery from alcoholism i happened upon a woman whom had the nicest smile and such a warm personality. she seemed good hearted. but what became clear about her quickly was that she was an addict. her name is Tonia Dunbar. she had an addiction to crack cocaine that destroyed her stable life and caused her to abandon the two children she loved, who were in the custody of Tonia's mom. thank goodness for the children. she was lost, and the only thing that kept her mind from focusing on her problems was crack cocaine. from 1995 until 2005 she was a hardcore street addict. if you had an encounter with her while she was using, however brief, you came away with the impression that she was a guenuinely good person, but one with deep troubleing issues. the first 6 months i knew her, our encounters were brief. i would often see her on the streets of Evanston Illinois, and she would sometimes ask me for $5 or $6 dollars. i never asked her what she needed it for, but she seemed down and out, and all she really wanted was a little help. so i helped her once in a while and would give her a few bucs. she told me she lived in the neighborhood.as I've said, i'd known her 6 months and only saw her sometimes. then one evening in the middle of a cold chicago winter where the temperture was -20 degrees, i went to my car to go somewhere. when i got to my car i soon realized that i had left the doors open. and inside was a person sleeping without any blankets. it was Tonia. i felt so bad to see her there cold and it quickly dawned on me that she was homeless. i lived in a little studio apartment in the house of my elderly landlord. i worried about bringing her to my home for fear my landlord would get the wrong impression. i spent my last $50.00 to get tonia a hotel room so she could spend a warm quiet night. i picked up some grapefruits and other snacks and food for her to eat because i was sure she was hungry. Tonia had a size 26 to 27 waist. i knew this because i gave her a clean pair of my good jeans which were size 28, and they kept falling off of her so i also gave her my only belt. i remember the look on her face when we first walked into that warm hotel room. she quickly took off her old gym shoes and excitedly ran to the bed and got under the warm covers. she fell right to sleep. i would wake her periodically to feed her. and she would eat a little bit then quickly doze off again. she often would fall asleep with food still in her mouth. i had to wake her to tell her to swallow her food so she would'nt choke. if ever i would leave her for even a half hour , i'd check on her and would always have to wake her to tell her to swallow her food. i felt like i was her father or something. but i also felt happy that someone could be there for her, to comfort her. it was obvious she was hurting. i had a lot of issues going on in my own life about the time i happened apon Tonia, but i just seemed so focused in wanting to help her become stable again and for her to quit using crack cocaine. it was a stormy 10 years of up and down crisises working with Tonia, a story which i will detail briefly as part of several stories which are included in my upcoming book titled "A NEW JOURNEY" RECOVERY FROM ALCOHOL AND DRUG ADDICTION. i will tell you the steps Tonia took to quit her ravaging addiction to crack cocaine.By 2005 Tonia did give up her crack cocaine addiction, and it was motivated by her love of a child she would go on to have while she was addicted. rather than give up the child to the state, the love for that child was a key factor in her getting clean. and the fact that Tonia gave up her hardcore addiction to crack, for the love of her newly born child just attests to the kind and wonderful person that Tonia really is. she has had 3 brief slips while in recovery for the during the past 3 years, but thank GOD that none of those slips led to full blown relapse. I remember when the state was about to take her child, she was crying and very distraught. she told me with such beautiful force and conviction "I don't care what I gotta do, I am going to do it. they are not gonna take Tommy! i will jump through every hoop they (the state) ask me to, but i'm gonna keep Tommy. whatever they tell me to do, I'm just ganna do it"it was so wonderful seeing Tonia make that decision, and I am so proud of how far Tonia has come. she has even found herself a wonderful boyfriend who is also far in his recovery, and at this writing they are engaged. the ups and downs of Tonia's recovery were not easy for her, or those around her. but somehow everyone in Tonia's life helped Tonia pull herself together and find a new life in recovery for her and her beautiful little boy Tommy. there were two times that had i not interveined, Tommy surely could have wound up in a foster home. but knowing Tonia's conviction, i am sure that had that happened, she would have prevailed and ultimately be where she is today, and thats together with her little boy. her family, especially her daughter also played a key role during some turbulent times in order for Tommy to remain with his family and with Tonia. so addiction recovery is something no-one can do alone. support from family and freinds is critical, along with the desire of the person addicted to make a hard decision and then look for the grace to follow through and make the neccesary changes. you are not alone when you decide to get help to quit an addiction. there are wonderful people and support groups to help guide you. if you are suffering from an addiction you too can be a beautiful success story like Tonia's. and you don't have to do it alone.the last time i went to visit Tommy was a few months ago. i was going to bring him his McDonalds happy meal. he did'nt even know that i was going to bring him McDonalds. he was on his front porch with his relatives (Tonia is still in long term treatment) and when he had seen me, his face lit up and he came running yelling "johnny johnny" and he jumped up and gave me such a strong hard hug. you cannot put a price on moments like that. it semed all the continuing effort was well worth this little boys happiness and stability. thank GOD for everybody who playing a role in the outcome of this beautiful story. and thank GOD for the conviction of Tonia to make the decision to make all of this happen. by john carcerano http://www.newjourneyrecovery.com/